"living in the awareness of the risen Jesus is not a trivial pursuit for the bored and lonely or a defense mechanism enabling us to cope with the stress and sorrow of life. it is the key that unlocks the door to grasping the meaning of existence. all day and every day we are being reshaped into the image of Christ. everything that happens to us is designed to this end. nothing that exists can exist beyond the pale of His presence ("all things were created through him and for him"-col. 1:16), nothing is irrelevant to it, nothing is withouth significance in it."
-brennan manning
abbas child

i made what i think is a most excellent playlist last night. most of them are lovey type songs, but isnt that what every girl likes most in a song?
first day of my life- bright eyes
all good gifts- sojourn
9 days- weekend excursion
darlin do not fear- brett dennen
id rather be with you- joshua radin
the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind- griffin house
nobodys crying- patty griffin
in the broken places- david wilcox
southern girl- amos lee
amazing- ben rector
love never fails- brandon heath
love is magic- drew holcomb and the neighbors
this colorful world- eliot morris
mystery- indigo girls
car crash- matt nathanson
divine romance- phil wickham
best ill ever be- sister hazel

sometimes i feel like i am living a life of two polar opposites in my heart. one part of me loves pop culture, celebrity gossip, twilight, the hills, gossip girl, headbands, curling my hair, picking out clothes, picking out plates and napkins for a party, entertaining and decorating and so on. the other part of me loves to talk about the depths of my heart and to know the hearts of other people, look at things only below the surface, cry, enter in the midst of pain with other people, be a counselor, be still, be quiet, and listen to hymns and soft emo music. sometimes, well most of the time, it is a battle in my heart of which one i really am. i feel like people only can see one side or the other, most people dont recognize both, and i have trouble knowing which is real too. today i was talking to a friend and she was explaining to me that it isnt a battle though, that both are who i am and both can exist at the same time, both are real. it felt such freedom to hear her say that. it may sound simple and easy and obvious. but, to me, it isnt. i so badly desire to be authentic, real, transparent, for people to see both the whitney port, edward cullen, anthropologie style loving part of me and the journal writing, thoughtful, deep side of me. thank you for reading as i continue to blog through this journey of my heart and life with Jesus.
this is a little collage i made as i thought about my heart right now.

i have many celebrity crushes...for so many different reasons...

jim halpert...i mean john krasinski.
he makes me laugh with his dry sense of humor. and makes me want to marry him because of what a great friend he is to his fiance (but not in real life) pam.

chace crawford.
i think i have been quoted as saying, "he is so beautiful it is dangerous" haha. i love his preppy style. (oh wait, is that his style or nate archibalds.)

mark ruffalo.
he seems so kind and gentle and just darling.

rob pattinson.
beautiful. and what a voice (beautiful english accent), both when he speaks and when he is playing the guitar or piano singing.

brandon heath.
he seems to have such a tender heart for Jesus.

(i hope you all know i am being silly with this, i dont really have for real crushes on these boys that i dont even know. but if i did know them, who knows!)

happy easter!

"How beautiful were the words he told her,
'He is not here; He is risen!'"...
"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree,
so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;
by his wounds you have been healed."
1 Peter 2:24

below is a picture off my friends, brady and cindy's BLOG. they are loving high school kids, with their 4 sons, in guatemala with young life. cindy was my first team leader back at the webb school of knoxville when i was an 18 year old immature, insecure, trying to figure out this Jesus thing, freshman in college. when the vida joven (yl) staff gathered they wrote on this white board the ways they have seen God throughout the past year (2008). on the greenes blog brady says they ran out of room. thank you God, for the ways you work in places of poverty, violence, discomfort, wealth, peace, and comfort. i hope you are encouraged by this picture as much as i am. although i wish my espanol was better :)

i have been bitten by the twilight bug (though i wish it was by edward cullen himself). the movie drew me in and now the books by stephenie meyer have. i am in midst of reading the second one and although i am very sad right now (due to the edward disappearance) i just cannot wait to see how he comes back (because of course he has to!).
but, this is something i read last night and it struck me...bella has just been talking about how edward enjoys spending money on her and it makes her feel uncomfortable, and edward just does not get why she wont accept his gifts. "but how could i let him give me things when i had nothing to reciprocate with? he, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance." that made me think so much about my life with God. he just wants to be with me. i have nothing to give in return, except to love Him back. and i too think that anything else good in my life throws our relationship out of balance. i need to give more, be better, spend more time doing "godly" things, follow rules, think less of myself, etc, etc. why dont i just let knowing the Lords love is enough and all He wants is me to love Him too? just like edward expects nothing else from bella. i know it is just a teen love story about vampires. but i believe our lives are a love story about humans and their Creator.

check out: AUSTIN. i wish i were as cool as him.

summer is approaching...

so today i did the unthinkable, something i never thought i would do. my heart knows the better way. i cant believe i am posting this on the internet for anyone and everyone to read, but i think getting it out in the open will be best. other people have done it and i always thought in my head there was no way i ever would. but, tonight everything changed. i ate yogilicious and liked it better than i heart yogurt. i am so ashamed. cheating on i heart yogurt is the last thing i ever wanted to do. but yogilicious...their toppings are so much better. they have tiny cubes of cantaloupe, marshmallow cream and tiny peanut butter chips...and all of that on top of plain frozen yogurt is pure delight. i heart yogurt you will always be first in my heart, the one that showed me my true love of a place where i get to serve my own all natural plain frozen yogurt with my favorite toppings. so for that i am forever thankful. but for now, we must part ways. but do not fret, when i am in north dallas i will surely visit and give you a piece of my heart once again.