today i got in a car crash. the airbags came out and everything. this is what my car looked like.
ouch i know. it was bad. it was scary. it was my first wreck. the guy that drove the wrecker said that he thinks it will probably be totaled. i love the jetta, so will probably cry if i have to say goodbye to it. my theme song for today is car crash by matt nathanson, which is a great song. you should check it out on itunes. it has nothing to do with my day by the way. the lyrics say "i wanna feel the car crush". i most certainly most dont. although one line is "push me till i have to fly, i shed my skin, my scars. take me deep out past the lights. where nothing dims these stars...i wanna let go and know i'll be alright" i like that part. for some reason it makes me think about vulnerability, exposure...two things i am very hesitant to be with other people. i claim to be about vulnerability, exposure, authenticity, but at the same time it is so hard for me. i dont want other people to see the ugly parts of me. i like controlling what they see and what they dont. john 3:19 says "This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is." so often i am more interested in pleasing others and myself rather than God just to avoid painful exposure. (who knew all this would come from sharing that i had a car wreck.)
thank goodness that God continues a good work in me until the day of Christ Jesus.