gosh, what is going on in my heart right now that is keeping me awake at 12:42 cst after spending a week with high school friends at crooked creek, not napping once, and then another 18 hours on a bus? something is probably stirring deep in the crevices of my heart. sleeping is something that has been a problem for me for a long time. in a couple weeks i am even going to a neurologist bc my usual doctor thinks that something is up between the not sleeping and migraines. which are both a part of my life at this very moment. they actually are both (not sleeping and migraines) pretty much a part of my daily life, or if not my daily life, my life 4/7 days of the week at least. what is God doing there? are the two connected? i want to believe that my heart plays into most parts of my life and could easily effect me physically. but i look at my heart and dont see anything unusual going on. and, i would say i am pretty good at recognizing that kind of stuff. if i tried to draw a picture of my heart right now (one of my favorite things to do and to see other people do and then share with me) it would be green bc it feels healthy, pink around the edges bc as always it is tender, then it would probably have little question marks squiggled in there a few times. sometimes i wonder what God is doing. i had a great conversation with one of my high school friends this past week and in it she was sharing her heart and we started talking about how great it would be to have a crystal ball where you could look ahead, see what God is going to do, then relax and go with what He has planned. but, He is good so His ways are good, so my heart must trust that the not knowing is how He wants it. living a life of trust is what i am thinking that means. well i am starting to close my eyes as i type so i am gonna sign off.
with a heart that feels healthy, tender, and full of questions, but at the same time trusting in the one who carries my heart,
p.s. i love that little cartoon/picture/quote above bc although i dont know if emerson necessarily meant it in a christian way i love how it says give all to love, bc Jesus is ultimate love so i give all to Him. i also love the next part, obey thy heart bc Jesus lives in my heart and i am to obey him and that is where he resides. and how precious are the birds and little girl?!

No comments: