I cannot believe it is only 3 days until Christmas. (Is it bad that I had to check my phone to know today's date?) Maybe it is that I was finishing school work less than a week ago or that I have been working retail during the holiday season, but for some reason I am not experiencing the Christmas cheer like most years.
Typically I am all into the music, decorations, driving around looking at twinkling lights, and baking sweets. But, this year I am having a hard time getting into the season. In fact, I did not put one Christmas decoration up in my house. And, if you know me at all, you know I love any reason to do a little holiday decorating. The thing is, it's not that I feel like a Scrooge that is hating this holiday. But, I do feel like I am fully experiencing the season of Advent.
At the beginning of Advent (the weeks in the church calendar leading up to the birth of Jesus) I asked God to give me a heart that would fully experience Advent. When I asked for that I was meaning, a heart that is excited about the birth of Christ. But, as the season progressed I found myself experiencing more silence, loneliness, and feelings of uneasiness.
For weeks I have been trying to dissect my heart for what is going on inside that causing these feelings that are out of the norm for me this time of year. Then at church on Sunday Matt taught about "The Angst of Waiting" from of Isaiah 9 and Malachi. And, I got what Advent is really about. He read the last verses of the Old Testament, the last verses before the New Testament where Jesus comes into the world as our Savior, and asked us to turn the page. The next page of my Bible reads, "THE NEW TESTAMENT".  Matt explained that page represents 400 years of waiting and silence. Waiting and silence for the prophesied Savior to come into the world. I wonder what the Israelites must have felt. Probably silence, loneliness, and uneasiness.
I think this year more than any other, even though I am not listening to the Amy Grant Tender Tennessee Christmas album as much as usual, I am experiencing the season of Advent more fully than ever before. And, I think because of it, I love Jesus more and more thankful for his birth than ever in my life.
Image found HERE.

1 comment:

chelsea said...

funny - i wrote a scarily similar post on my blog two days ago. glad i'm not alone in this season!