you know when something big happens in your life, not to you really, but to your family or a friend, or a group of friends and it feels like the world is not spinning the right way, but people around you just arent affected by it. ok, dont really know if that is a good explanation but oh well. i found out today that my stepmom filed for a divorce from my dad. it breaks my heart and it feels like what i am trying to explain above. i am at my moms house and i havent told her or my grandmother who is also here visiting. the world just seems wrong right now. i am so angry at my stepmom. i dont really know the story, but i am angry that my dad is hurting in a very big life way and she did it to him. it sounds so childish. my family has been through so much and just as things seem to be going well, jay getting married, my move, mom is doing great, turner and dad and fam are living life, bam...this happens. i havent hurt like this in a long time. maybe i should. i kinda wish i felt this feeling of the world isnt the way it is supposed to be a little more than i do. it isnt. we are drenched in sin. we are drenched in the world spitting images of real life at us all the time. but it doesnt seem to phase me. i go on seeking Jesus. reading my Christian books. building Christian relationships. trying to build relationships with high school and college kids. thinking i am not a part of this world spitting those images of perfection is the right way, a relationship is all that will make you happy, being skinny will complete you. i go on seeing it and not really being as grossed out by it as i claim to be. i live with it and feel sometimes as my life is spinning right along fine. but with this with my dad, i feel the world is off kilter. i have no idea how to spell that word. oh well. this is probably just sounding silly and i am rambling. my mom made a delicious dessert so i am going to have some delicious dessert.
until next time,

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