i live in texas! for all of you that have your preconceived notions of what texas is like, get rid of them. because so far, texas hasnt been that prideful or ugly. there is no one walking around in cowboy hats and horses hanging out in the streets. although i stopped at a gas station somewhere around houston on my way back to dallas from claire and reids wedding and there was a horse just chillin there. he had an owner, but i have no idea what they were doing at a gas station on a busy road. oh well. other than that, texas (dallas, especially) has been pretty normal. although, no one wears croakies here...weird.
its been a harder in ways i didnt expect being here. the things about my job that i thought were going to be easiest have ended up being the hardest and the most unfamiliar parts which i thought would be the most challenging for me have ended up being the easiest and almost the most natural. maybe that is because i have only been here about a week and a half for real and relationships take time so they are going to be the hardest at first and office work kind of things dont take time, they just have to get done and they do, quickly. it has pushed me to a great place with the Lord of reliance on Him and seeking who i am because He loves me and not because of the number of relationships i have or how great my relationships are.
speaking of relationships, i am ready to have friends for real. now again, i know it takes time...a long time. i have hungout with people and i really like them and all. but, i just feel like i am not myself around them. at first around new people i am so intimidated and quiet and probably, um not probably, most definitely the most awkward person ever. i say the wrong thing and make stupid comments and then just shut up because i dont want to be the weird girl. for the past two years i havent really been in a city to have friends my own age and its like i am super out of practice too haha. but again, desiring friends and friends that are real has forced me to a great place of seeking God and asking Him to provide, fill my heart when it feels alone, and to give me confidence in Him alone. today should be a fun day though, i have lunch with a friend (well, i havent met her but she is a friend of a friend, and hopefully we will be friends. hayes said she seriously thinks we will be bff and i sure hope we are :). so lunch with a friend coffee or walking (depending on the heat) with another friend...again, havent met her but we have chatted it up on the phone. she too is a friend of a friend. gosh, i sound creepy. then tonight, yes get ready, i am going to the cowboys preseason game with my friend sidney (i do know him for real) and they are playing...THE COLTS!!! ahhh, peyton manning! I LOVE HIM! AHHH! now peyton will probably just play one quarter, but i will be in the same building as him which is great with me. so today should be a good day. little office, little meeitng people, little football. a good day had by all. but, then there is tomorrow haha. its like each day is a whole new experience and my heart experiences Christ's love in a new way. right now the song "in the broken places" by david wilcox is kind of my theme song. "stronger than ever now in the broken places...maybe where the heart breaks in two is the only way grace can get through, to find me." yeah, kinda is me right now. in the broken heartedness i am sort of experiencing amidst a lot of excitement and wonder seeing the grace and love of Jesus is seeping through in those places.
so if you pray, pray for relationships to form with my team and committee and pray for friends for me and for a place for me to watch high school musical 2 tomorrow night, my cable guy couldnt come until saturday morning :)