so i never update this. it is a shame. i have lived in dallas over a month now. how cool huh. i really do like it here. today i was driving and realized how much city there is out there that i havent even explored yet. that exploring part of me was very attracted to moving to a new and exciting city and i feel a part of me has been lost because i havent even been taking advantage of it. ok, now lost in that last sentence may not have been the proper word, but i cant think of a better one right now. which, speaking of right now, i am watching "the holiday". ever seen it? it is my favorite movie of 2006-2007 thus far. it is all about relationships and i am usually very drawn to those types of movies. thinking back to when i first saw this movie, my life was so different circumstancially (is that a word?) but so much the same inside of my heart. yesterday at church the minister was talking about how we see heaven. he said that to most people heaven is never having to worry about money, fairways that go on forever, and luxury cars at your infinate disposal. heaven to me would be never feeling that i dont measure up. up to what? i dont know, i guess society's standards. ever since i was a kid i always wanted to be the best and sought after those things that i was good at too. *sidenote...jim halpert is in this scene in the movie...i am in love with him* but, why do i even care about society's standards. it is a constant struggle. my heart knows a better way, but chooses to measure up to some standard that is attainable and measurable. why isnt just loving Jesus enough? sorry to kind of go off there and possibly reveal a little too much. Christ loves in weaknesses though. so why do i feel so weak in mine and not stronger? well, my roomie and bff danielle just walked in so i am gonna go and finish watching my movie. sorry this is scattered and probably a little repetitive. i seem to always come back to the same places...insecurities due to lack of realizing how much Jesus loves me.
mccabe
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