sometimes i feel like i am living a life of two polar opposites in my heart. one part of me loves pop culture, celebrity gossip, twilight, the hills, gossip girl, headbands, curling my hair, picking out clothes, picking out plates and napkins for a party, entertaining and decorating and so on. the other part of me loves to talk about the depths of my heart and to know the hearts of other people, look at things only below the surface, cry, enter in the midst of pain with other people, be a counselor, be still, be quiet, and listen to hymns and soft emo music. sometimes, well most of the time, it is a battle in my heart of which one i really am. i feel like people only can see one side or the other, most people dont recognize both, and i have trouble knowing which is real too. today i was talking to a friend and she was explaining to me that it isnt a battle though, that both are who i am and both can exist at the same time, both are real. it felt such freedom to hear her say that. it may sound simple and easy and obvious. but, to me, it isnt. i so badly desire to be authentic, real, transparent, for people to see both the whitney port, edward cullen, anthropologie style loving part of me and the journal writing, thoughtful, deep side of me. thank you for reading as i continue to blog through this journey of my heart and life with Jesus.
this is a little collage i made as i thought about my heart right now.